So
I’ve been staying at Allan’s for the past few days and I’m not going to lie –
it’s been rough for me. Allan is great and his place is great, but being up
here makes my injury even harder to deal with. Allan lives in a small village
on top of a hill and all the houses are in a square, with the center of the
square being a soccer field. When I first saw this, I knew it was going to be
frustrating that I couldn’t play, but it has ended up being worse than I
originally thought it would. They play soccer every night for about an hour and
a half and it kills me to not be able to go out there. I realized that this was
an issue – it should not tear me up this much that I am temporarily unable to
play sports. I had a mini-revelation that perhaps God was simply using this to
redirect my focus onto him. It’s not that I wasn’t focusing on God, but perhaps
sports have served as a distraction in my faith in the past and he wanted to
set that straight. It was a thought going through my head but wasn’t something
I was completely set on. Nevertheless, I started praying. For the past five
months, I’ve prayed for physical healing, but when this started getting to me
three nights ago, my prayer changed. I prayed that God wouldn’t heal me until I
had an unadulterated focus on him. I prayed that he would be the root of all of
my joy.
I
did a quiet time the next night, and when I was done I was about to close my
bible, but then I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to turn to Psalms. “What
psalm?” I asked. A couple numbers ran through my head but after couple seconds
I landed on 42. I turned to Psalm 42, and the first verse read, “As a deer
pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.” I put my bible
down and almost lost it. That was exactly what I needed to hear. My soul has
desired God without a doubt, but only one who desires water who just went on a
little jog. I am thirsty and want water, but I'd be okay without it. It's good
that I desire him to at least some degree, but our desire for God should be
even greater than this. Every second of every day, it should be as if we have
not drunken water in two weeks and just ran a marathon. We should be panting
for it. For Him. That is not what my desire for him has looked like at all.
Verse 5 reads, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil
within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”
I asked my soul, “why are you cast down?” and the answer was that my hope has
not been in God completely. It was in God and sports. Though God is my
salvation, I turn to sports for fulfillment. This is no bueno.
If
God hadn’t made the message clear enough two nights ago during my quiet time,
he slapped me in the face with it last night. I have been listening to the
“Counterfeit Love” sermon series from the Austin Stone (highly recommended –
get the podcasts off iTunes from the links below) and the last of the three
sermons was over the healing of idolatry. I had sort of realized over the past
couple of nights that Ultimate/other sports had kind of become an idol for me,
but my understanding of the situation didn’t go far past that. In the sermon,
he plays an interview he had with former University of Texas Quarterback Colt
McCoy. For those that don’t know, Texas made it to the national championship
during Colt’s senior season but Colt got hurt at the beginning of the game and
was unable to play, and Texas ended up losing. Colt had been a Christian and
had loved God for awhile before this, but he said that before that game he
could not have said that everything would be okay with him if he didn’t have
football – now he could definitely say that. The sermon went on to talk about
how sometimes God will withhold our idols from us to put our focus back on him.
I realized that physical healing would be good because it would fix my body,
but it wouldn’t heal my soul. I have been and will continue to be praying that
my love and desire for God would just consume me, and that he will not heal me
until then. The former is hurting my ministry much more than the latter.
Prayers for me in this area would be much appreciated! Thanks.
Counterfeit
Love: Idols Defined
Counterfeit
Love: Idols Identified
Counterfeit
Love: Idolatry Healed
Excellent insight, Jack. Perhaps, like the quarterback said, it becomes an idol when we feel we wouldn't be OK without it? And God wants us to realize that, as long as we have him, we will always be OK, regardless of anything else. And then we can enjoy our activities as gifts from God for our pleasure and happiness.
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